i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I love having hate sex.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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