Moan for me like Helen Keller
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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