I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
