So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
