If i come over, it means nothing
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
