Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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