My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
