I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She bit a glass in half.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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