12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize