I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
