Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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