my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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