She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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