Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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