I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
