'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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