Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize