We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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