Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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