Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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