She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
