he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
