now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
