roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
