So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
