Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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