He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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