The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
this will be a night to untag.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We have started to decorate penises.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
