Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize