whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.