i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You pole danced in your parka.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
