I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing