I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.