It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.