Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize