Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
