I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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