Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
