I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
