Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
