I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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