I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
