Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
