don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
