honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
