Don't make out with my wife yet
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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