Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Randomize
