Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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