sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
