I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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