It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
