Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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