This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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