That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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