Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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