All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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