Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
