A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
