Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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