he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
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Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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