I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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