Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
