I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with two different species that night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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