I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
