Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
