the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So much rum. So many feels.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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