Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
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super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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