dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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