Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
