the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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