He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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